“Lord, I want to be like the one to whom You said, ‘Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.’ (Matthew 15:28) Flourish this kind of faith in me, God!”
My Decision
I think we all have dreams of what our lives will turn out to be. Whether it is dreams of being a wife and mom, a teacher, or lawyer, or any other career in between. Everyone of us at some point said “when I grow up I want to be a ______.” and whether through life’s hard knocks. Or perhaps just plain old reality, those dreams fall to the wayside as life takes over. The next thing you know, you’re 30 years old, five years into a career that at one time seemed like a dream come true and beginning to feel like you can’t keep up with the demands that come with being a wife and mom as well.
Somewhere along the way, that little girl that used to dream is now lost in the sea of negativity. That “reality” that says dreams are for children and it’s now time to grow up and face the music. Life stinks!
But not anymore! Today I’m choosing to take back those dreams. To step out of that “reality” that traps us and begin to live again. That’s why I chose to start this blog. While many people may not care to read about my “why.” I feel that it is important for me to state and explain why I’ve decided to embark on this new journey. So if you’re interested, or care to know a bit more about me. Lean in, stick around a while, and enjoy the journey that brought me to this point.
The Highschool Bucket List
Recently, my husband and I have been doing some remodeling and rearranging of the rooms in our house. Which led to a cleaning out of some very old, very dust journals, that had somehow stuck around since high school, or perhaps it was from college. Either way, the journals were old and contained many things from days gone by. One of which contained a bucket list of things I hoped to accomplish in the next 5-10 years. Things such as marry the man of my dreams, (aka the man I am actually now married to) and have a family, But one that stuck out to me was my dream to become a writer. Now at the time I was probably thinking something more along the lines of becoming a full blown published author. But it struck me that while I had accomplished many of the items on my list (there were several), I had almost entirely given up on writing. Something that I had dearly enjoyed throughout my childhood and early adult life.
Finding Me Again
It slowly came to me that in all my busyness and chaos of being a full time working mom, I had lost myself. Life had changed so rapidly that I had failed to keep up and was simply going through the motions with no thought to my own dreams. I was a teacher and a wife in the same year. Two years later I was a mom who didn’t know how to make it while still at work. I dealt with post-partum-depression without even realizing that’s what it was. All the while saying I was “OK,” when in reality, I wasn’t. And to be perfectly honest, three years later, I’m still recovering from things that I thought were long forgotten. I’m only just now beginning to realize just how “lost” I became and just how much I need to find who I am again.
What I Desire Most
So here I am, writing a blog that is far too long, and far too personal to be of much interest to anyone other than myself. All in the hopes that perhaps, through this blog, I might be able to find that little girl again. To find the one who dreamed of her words being read. Not for fame or recognition, but perhaps to simply encourage anyone else who may be feeling the same way.
So, if you’re like me. Seeking to find yourself again. To minimize the chaos and stress. And to maximize quality time and peace. Stick around. Perhaps together we will be able to find ourselves and who God intends us to be.